Ladies and Gentlemen, It Is My Pleasure To Introduce To You: MR. and MRS. BAKER MAYFIELD!

If you’re not standing, shame on you. These two just got married! The King and Queen of Cleveland! And oh what a beautiful bride she was.

Simply stunning. But this blog is not about Emily Wilkinson Mayfield. This blog is about Baker. And we need to make sure that this isn’t the only ring he’ll ever get. So I hate to change gears so quickly, but my sources around the league tell me that this Cleveland Browns team has a good of shot as any to win the Super Bowl THIS YEAR. Do I think the Browns have peaked? No, not yet. I think we’ll compete for the title for the next 5-10 years. The next decade will go down as the Roaring 2020s in Cleveland. But with the entire AFC North reeling, the Patriots as down as they’ve ever been, and not one team in the NFC even close to our talent level, I need Baker Mayfield absolutely locked in this season.

Now I’m not one to tell someone how to live their life. Baker is 24 years old, and he can make his own decisions. I trust him to make his own decisions. But I would like to just make one little suggestion. Let’s PLEASE hold off on kids until after the season. When people get married, I know there are temptations to try things like having sex for the first time, especially when your wife is as good looking as his. But I truly believe that pent up sexual tension makes you play harder. Makes you more aggressive than your sex having opponent. That’s why I would always turn down handjobs before my high school games. Plus, without kids, we can ensure that Baker is getting the proper amounts of sleep leading up to the big game. It matters.

Anyways, that’s just my two cents. If Baker wants to have sex and have kids, I’ll support him. I just want my guy to be at his best this year. This is our year.